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I have nothing to say. I look at this page and I want to fill it with insightful, interesting, quirky words – words that will pour out of me and inspire those who glance upon it, but I have nothing to say.

I take a quick internal assessment. What do I have to share? What wisdom do I have to impart? I stop and realize that I am in a desert of sorts – I am no longer a mother of babies or young children, I’ve flown (by the seat of my pants, I might add) through being a parent of teens and I am no longer even a new empty nester, with college graduation looming on the horizon.

I’m a lawyer, but that’s boring to write about and I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished much there either, grazing over the decades, never really finding my niche. Someone else, (usually my husband), chimes in whenever anyone does socially casually ask for legal input; why do I need to bother – there are so many people out there who seem to know so much more than I do, what do I have to offer — so I sit nodding.

I’m a person who is searching, looking for something. The next chapter, the next part, the next something. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy what I do, I just don’t feel like I’m accomplished at it – when so many friends are talking ending their careers to retire in a few years, I shake my head – no, wait, I haven’t even started mine!

I’ve read so much about finding your passion, re-igniting a hobby that was a favorite before kids, starting a new one or a different career, which begets yet another series of questions – what is it that I enjoy? Where is my passion?

I do a lot, I’m not going to lie. I chair my district’s school board, I participate in several of the board committees, I am a member of the local Rotary club, I work. It’s all good and I enjoy the time spent with the people with whom I share these various opportunities. But what do I do for me? What makes me happy? What makes me smile? Those are questions that only I can answer and sometimes I feel like the clock is winding down and I may never get an answer to those questions. I may never find my niche, my place, the thing that makes me happy and makes me smile for me.

Will I leave this world without much of a footprint upon it? No, that is not true. I will leave three – three wonderful, amazing, inspiring human beings who I hope will make the world a better place. They are my everything.

So, then I ask myself, is that it? Is that the reason I have been placed on this earth at this time – have I accomplished what I was set out to do? Am I now done; if so, why bother searching, there is nothing left to do, to give, to be?

Am I the only one with nothing to say?

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