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One of those nights, I just feel much like last night. Putting on my pajamas and crawling into bed. Not tired, necessarily, just seeking the refuge of something safe and secure. And un-manly. I live in a house where I am surrounded by men (and I love them all) and their men-stuff. The lighting, the music, the voices, the phone, it’s all manly. Men, being men, just come in and take over. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just a guy thing. Through the years, I have learned to relent, succumb, not put up a fight. Pick your battles. Some of it really isn’t all that bad. But sometimes……I would love to sink into a bed that is soft and fluffy and frilly and girl-y. Have a conversation about something totally un-masculine. Not that I want my husband to have a deep discussion with me on the color of my nail polish, but …..
There are many things that the only woman in the house gives up to be the only woman in the house. And I am sure that in speaking to my male friends who are the only men in their houses, I would get comparable feelings. Sometimes, you just feel out-gendered. I guess that these last few days have been that way. Especially in packing up things in the old house and realizing that there aren’t many girl things in my life anymore. Now — take away the makeup, the hair, and since I really go nowhere that clothes matter (not that you could dress up in feet of snow anyway) – I haven’t even worn jewelry since we suspected that might be making me itchy (well, really we know that in some sense it has since I am allergic to certain types of metal). So very little in the girl department in my house these days. I guess that I am just moping and feeling sorry for myself. I will snap out of it, I always do…..
Well it has been well over a month now that I have been girl-chemical free for the most part. No more hair styling products, just baby shampoo. No more triple blade, softening strip, fancy-shamancy razor, just a single blade super sensitive cheapie razor and Cetaphil soap. No more make-up. No face lotions or Nozema to clean my face, just Cetaphil soap and water. New deodorant that does not contain whatever makes an antiperspirant an antiperspirant. New toothpaste that does not contain sulfites and God only knows what else that I am sure that I do not need.
Overall, I have to say that I really don’t miss much of it. Okay, I must admit that I don’t take my hair out in public anymore until it is secured in a ponytail for fear of repeating the dreadful TurtleBack Zoo experience of 2nd grade (for those of you who know me well). No one has fallen over when I raise an arm above my head so the fragrance free Liquid Rock deodorant that I switched to must be working just fine. I do admit that sometimes when we go out to dinner it would be nice to put on makeup, eyeliner and lipstick (or even lipgloss, something with color and shine) but I have grown accustomed to not wearing it and so far no one has covered their eyes in fear of my makeup-less face. I do have to admit that I really miss dying my hair because counting gray hairs when you’re bored can really make you cry, but I don’t think that I am that brave to conquer hair dye again just yet (even following the allergy patch testing in the directions on the box).
So, I guess that my general amazement is that out of all the things that I have reduced, eliminated and changed, I have learned that most of them I really can do without. This has however caused me to want to be more girl-y in my wants since I can no longer rely on the girl-y things like makeup, perfume and hair styling. Amazing what marketing can make us think that we need and cannot live without. So far though no one has run from me in fear, screaming from my appearance, so I guess that is a good thing.