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I have nothing to say. I look at this page and I want to fill it with insightful, interesting, quirky words – words that will pour out of me and inspire those who glance upon it, but I have nothing to say.

I take a quick internal assessment. What do I have to share? What wisdom do I have to impart? I stop and realize that I am in a desert of sorts – I am no longer a mother of babies or young children, I’ve flown (by the seat of my pants, I might add) through being a parent of teens and I am no longer even a new empty nester, with college graduation looming on the horizon.

I’m a lawyer, but that’s boring to write about and I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished much there either, grazing over the decades, never really finding my niche. Someone else, (usually my husband), chimes in whenever anyone does socially casually ask for legal input; why do I need to bother – there are so many people out there who seem to know so much more than I do, what do I have to offer — so I sit nodding.

I’m a person who is searching, looking for something. The next chapter, the next part, the next something. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy what I do, I just don’t feel like I’m accomplished at it – when so many friends are talking ending their careers to retire in a few years, I shake my head – no, wait, I haven’t even started mine!

I’ve read so much about finding your passion, re-igniting a hobby that was a favorite before kids, starting a new one or a different career, which begets yet another series of questions – what is it that I enjoy? Where is my passion?

I do a lot, I’m not going to lie. I chair my district’s school board, I participate in several of the board committees, I am a member of the local Rotary club, I work. It’s all good and I enjoy the time spent with the people with whom I share these various opportunities. But what do I do for me? What makes me happy? What makes me smile? Those are questions that only I can answer and sometimes I feel like the clock is winding down and I may never get an answer to those questions. I may never find my niche, my place, the thing that makes me happy and makes me smile for me.

Will I leave this world without much of a footprint upon it? No, that is not true. I will leave three – three wonderful, amazing, inspiring human beings who I hope will make the world a better place. They are my everything.

So, then I ask myself, is that it? Is that the reason I have been placed on this earth at this time – have I accomplished what I was set out to do? Am I now done; if so, why bother searching, there is nothing left to do, to give, to be?

Am I the only one with nothing to say?

Throwing the calendar to a new page, heck to a whole new calendar.

Happy 2019! The holidays have come and have gone. It’s hard to believe that the brief (too brief) time we all spent together is over, but it will hold a special, cherished place in my heart and my memories. To say it’s easy to see the boys leave and go back to school is not true, but the sadness lessens and is replaced with appreciation.

~Appreciation that we raised the boys to believe that the family is important enough to make the effort, time and plans to spend the Christmas holiday together

~Appreciation that we are able to be together and missing those that are no longer with us as we celebrate

~Appreciation that these moments in time are truly blessings and should be enjoyed to their fullest because life is precious.

~Appreciation that we are blessed with family and friends who choose to spend time with us and make us laugh and remember the things that we, by ourselves, may forget.

Often, the New Year is seen as a time to reflect upon what is wrong with each of us and what needs to be fixed – ie -lose weight, exercise more, drink less, stop smoking, whatever else might make up those “this is what’s wrong with me lists” we each make up in our heads as the calendar comes to a close.

Truly, New Year’s should be a time to take stock and reflect upon what is good with us, what is right in our world and what we are blessed with so we can walk into the new year filled with love, light, energy and good thoughts. There is so much negativity out there in the world, maybe a “reset” on our frame of mind would be a good way to start this new year.

I am taking part in a 52 week photo challenge. The first week’s prompt is to take a photo that describes who you are without showing your face. The prompt got me to thinking — who am I? What sums “me” up without showing my face? A provoking question to ask and I’ll have a week to think about it and post my photo describing myself to the group. I’m interested to see what I come up with, aren’t you?

Evilwife on the move

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© Happenings on the Hill,
https://tammyheff.wordpress.com
2016-2017.
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