It is hard not to remember this day. It comes the day after Tyler’s birthday, although it happened before any of the the boys were even born. Sadness always tugs at my heartstrings this day, which I cannot forget. The events of that day are seared in my memory forever. I have never felt such a failure, so incapable.  I don’t know if other women feel this way also, but I simply cannot forget. While it physically wasn’t as traumatic as it could have been, it was traumatic for us. Maybe it would be different if it wasn’t the first. So for the baby I never met, that some people would even argue didn’t exist, today’s a day to remember.

Didn’t know you – you didn’t even have a name, but yet I feel compelled to remember that you existed if even it was for a short while. Even if I am the only one that remembers (which I doubt) you were a part of us, a part of me for a brief period of time. You were the first and so you will always have a special place in my heart.

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