You are currently browsing the daily archive for February 23, 2009.
Sounds horrific. Really it does. I have it and it pretty much sucks, although the doctor advises me that it is not uncommon and not dangerous or life threatening or anything terrible like that. Basically, for those of us who like the real world version, my cornea sticks to the inside of my eyelid when I sleep. I can’t open my eyes when I wake up right away. They are stuck, like someone planted cement in my eyes while I slept. Trust me, if I do force them open, which I have done before when I was startled awake because I thought I heard a child in our room, my eye hurt like mad all day long. The doctor explained that the reason for that is essentially that I am ripping off corneal cells from the surface of my eye every time this happens. Lovely. Keep talking, doctor, it is just getting better and better and I am about to throw up listening to you.
Simple solution he tells me. All I have to do is put some ointment into my eye before I go to sleep. I have been doing it for a couple weeks now and beside the fact that I am basically blind after I do it, since it is an ointment and not drops, it is working. It still sticks but they are easier to get un-stuck. No horrific cornea ripping events to date. Lucky me! Still sucks. But it is working and we don’t have to resort to “other treatments” as he said. What “other treatments”? Do you oil up my eyes with some more heavy duty lubricant before bed? Do I pull them completely out of my head before bed and re-insert in the morning, this way they don’t get stuck? I just don’t sleep any more or maybe we resort to the old “toothpicks holding open your eyelids” trick everynight. No worries, the blinding ointment seems to be working for now. Calm yourself or you’ll break out itching girl! And somewhere in the back of my mind is the possible correlation between this new found eye issue and the possible sarcoid diagnosis scare of a few months ago. No wonder why I don’t sleep well — I fear that I am going blind and if that’s not the case (as the doctor assures me), the worse that can happen is only that I can just rip my own eyes out one of these mornings if I am startled awake. Just dandy…..
One of those nights, I just feel much like last night. Putting on my pajamas and crawling into bed. Not tired, necessarily, just seeking the refuge of something safe and secure. And un-manly. I live in a house where I am surrounded by men (and I love them all) and their men-stuff. The lighting, the music, the voices, the phone, it’s all manly. Men, being men, just come in and take over. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just a guy thing. Through the years, I have learned to relent, succumb, not put up a fight. Pick your battles. Some of it really isn’t all that bad. But sometimes……I would love to sink into a bed that is soft and fluffy and frilly and girl-y. Have a conversation about something totally un-masculine. Not that I want my husband to have a deep discussion with me on the color of my nail polish, but …..
There are many things that the only woman in the house gives up to be the only woman in the house. And I am sure that in speaking to my male friends who are the only men in their houses, I would get comparable feelings. Sometimes, you just feel out-gendered. I guess that these last few days have been that way. Especially in packing up things in the old house and realizing that there aren’t many girl things in my life anymore. Now — take away the makeup, the hair, and since I really go nowhere that clothes matter (not that you could dress up in feet of snow anyway) – I haven’t even worn jewelry since we suspected that might be making me itchy (well, really we know that in some sense it has since I am allergic to certain types of metal). So very little in the girl department in my house these days. I guess that I am just moping and feeling sorry for myself. I will snap out of it, I always do…..
Five things that I am grateful for today:
1. Snow and lots of it.
2. School not being closed because of it.
3. Healthy kids
4. Fire burning in the stove.
5. Crockpot -with dinner already in the works.