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I wonder how just how old you have to be to not miss your parents? My dad passed away 10 years ago tomorrow and the last time I spoke to him was on the Father’s Day a few days before. It’s a hard few days, these days, and each year it seems that it will be better, but somehow it makes me just as sad.
I cannot help but wonder how those ten years would have been different if he was still here. I can’t help but wonder what he would think of the young men his grandsons are turning into and how thrilled he would be to know the grandchildren that were born after he passed and who never will have the opportunity to know the man that we called “Daddy”.
I often think about how much my dad would love our house up here in Vermont and what it would be like to have had he and my mom come up here to visit and to spend time.
I can still hear his voice when we spoke that day, Father’s Day. No one since that day has called me “baby” and even if anyone ever did, ever again, it wouldn’t seem right and it wouldn’t be the same. I will always be his baby, his first, no matter how old I get. I also think that I will always miss him and wish that he were still here, a part of my life and my boys’ lives. I hate today and these next few days just because they make me sad and turn me into a crying, sniveling, little girl. We all have things that can reduce us to puddles, and the fact that he left us suddenly and I didn’t get to be there until it was too late, will always be mine.
Nonetheless, it is Father’s Day and I know that I am very lucky to have a wonderful husband. Together we have three handsome, loving and healthy boys on the cusp of adulthood. I know that they would make their grandfather proud if he were still here. I know that my husband is a wonderful father and I am so happy and so lucky and every day so thankful to have him here with me to share this life.
I don’t need to say here what makes him a good father and a great husband, because he knows and I know and the boys know and really that is all that matters. He is a very special part of our lives.
To all the other fathers out there, especially my father-in-law, my brother and my brother-in-law, who help to make our family what it is……….Happy Father’s Day!