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Anyone who has had a child knows “the bag” the one that sits, at the ready, for days or even weeks waiting for the “big event.” The one that contained symbols of the new roles that husband and wife would be taking on — the first outfit, the knitted hat, the snuggly blanket, as well as all the mom stuff that the new mother would need while she was being overwhelmed by those first hours of motherhood.
Here’s that bag for me.
It’s a great bag that my sister bought for me for the baby shower. It not only still exists but it has taken many journeys with our expanding family over the years. Somehow, it seemed appropriate that the bag that brought everything to the hospital when he was born should be the bag that went with us when we delivered TJ to the next big phase of his life. And so, “the bag” accompanied us to Burlington — a symbol of what had been and what was yet to be.
We were off, truck packed and the five of us enjoying a ride through the mountains to TJ’s new home for the school year. It didn’t take long for us to get him unpacked and for him to turn the contents of those boxes, foot lockers and duffle bags into his new digs. By the time we returned with lunch in hand and perishables for his new fridge, he had transformed the stark space into a very comfy spot, very “TJ”.
Everyone says that saying goodbye and leaving your child at college is hard, but the goodbyes weren’t very different from goodbyes when we’ve dropped the boys off elsewhere. Hugs and small talk. Last minute thoughts, a heartfelt “I love you”. Despite the admonitions from everyone including the parking attendants “Mom, no crying!” when we first pulled in, there were no tears. I am very proud of TJ and all that he has accomplished. He deserved to enjoy that day without a blubbering mom in the background or the foreground and I delivered. What was difficult is the coming home to TJ not being here. When we pulled into the driveway, my thought was “oh TJ’s home” when I saw his truck sitting there…only to realize that “no, he wasn’t home, that’s just his truck”. So, the long and short of it, is while TJ got the “no tear” send-off from his mom, the rest of the family hasn’t been so lucky since we’ve been home.
I’m mopey, I admit it. No one but another mom understands that it’s hard to share your life and for the better part of a year, share your very body with another person occupying the same space without feeling sad that things will never be the same. Will things be different? Yes. Will things be better? Maybe. Will you be proud of your child and their accomplishments? Absolutely.
But your family will never be the same configuration and chemistry and you will never be the same person as you were when you got in the car for that ride to college. We all know it’s coming. It might as well be printed on that bag that accompanies you to the hospital for the birth. It’s implicit in the very definition of parenting. The process of promoting and supporting the physical,emotional, social, and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood. From the second we are “officially” parents at the birth, it is a process of independence, of teaching another human being to be self-sufficient and in so doing, tearing yourself away from that person that you have created.
Leaving TJ at the door to his dorm, there was not a cell in my body that wasn’t happy for him and confident that Tom and I had done the best job we could in the preceding 18+ years in preparing him for this next journey. There wasn’t a part of me that wasn’t swelling with pride at the young man he has become. At the same time however, there are just as many cells yearning to freeze time and protect the familiar part of my life. In the days that follow “drop off” there will be adjustment…contrary to the “how to” books, it won’t be so much for the college student as for the college student’s mom.
Summer is going by fast, especially now that we have actually had some summer type days. Vacation is fast approaching which I am looking forward to enjoying with my guys. It is hard to believe as I look at the calendar that, a month from yesterday, TJ will be off to a new adventure in his life. We will be moving him into his home away from home for the majority of the next year. While I know that it isn’t all that far away, it’s far enough to realize that he won’t be a part of our everyday lives in the same way ever again. (Okay, here go the mom tears). I will definitely miss that. Having had one less kid in the house for the majority of the summer with Tim spending most of his time in other countries this summer, it is definitely odd not having the same chemistry in the house. It will be odd not having all three boys around all (or mostly) all of the time.
Miss my dad everyday since he left us, but especially on Father’s Day.
He would be very proud of his grandsons and I know that they would have loved spending time with him.
Warmest wishes to all the dads celebrating today, especially the man that has helped me through the craziness of parenthood and helps me everyday to raise three wonderful young men -
today and always, I love you.
May those that love us, love us
And those that don’t love us
May God turn their hearts
And if He doesn’t turn their hearts
May He turn their ankles
Nanny Smith celebrating her 90th birthday.
Often, we don’t really get it until much, much later. Usually when it’s too late. Each generation tries to instill in the next what they have learned to listen, watch, learn, absorb it all before it’s gone–but sadly most times that falls on deaf ears. St. Patrick’s Day always brings to mind my father’s mother, my Nanny. She had a long life, many friends to the end and a very loving family. I have fond memories of Irish music playing on her hi-fi stereo when we kids attended one of the many shindigs she held at her house before she moved into the senior citizen center. There was barely a gathering that Nanny was chasing someone around with the fork, usually my dad, my uncle (her sons) or her nephew. All in good fun, gatherings at her house, were characterized by lots of music, lots of laughing, food and drink. My grandmother made an awesome lamb but we all were sure to steer clear of her meatballs (which resembled golf balls).
Here are some pictures from her 90th birthday party –she threw it for herself mind you, planned the whole thing which she held in the recreation room at the senior citizen center where she lived. The party of course was only after the mass she had said by one of her favorite priests where she sat in a chair in the aisle and took it all in. I told you the woman had spunk. Looking back, I realize that she would be very proud of her great-grandsons. The youngest, she would be especially proud of, he is traveling to Ireland this summer to take a class there and I am sure that if she were still alive, she would be filling his ears with everything and everyone that she could think of to see and do while he was there.
TJ, delivering Nanny a bouquet of birthday flowers.
Nanny and some of her great-grandkids checking out the birthday cake.
My brother and my cousin posing for a picture with her.
One of the newest great-grandkids, Tyler having some “Nanny” time.
And no Irish celebration (or funeral) would be complete without the bagpipes.
Hanging in Nanny’s kitchen for all those years was a plaque that had an Irish blessing. There were a few of them around her house. Since it’s St. Patrick’s Day and I am thinking of her, here’s a wish to all of you ~ May your home always be too small to hold all your friends ~ Happy St. Patrick’s Day!
We were given the gift of snow over the Christmas holiday. First with a white Christmas and then with about two feet of snow in total. It allowed for lots of playing in the snow by all and some beautiful scenery for those who prefer to view their snow from the warmth of the wood stove. We had the opportunity to visit with some family (my sister and her family were not feeling well so we didn’t get to see them). We had my dear friend from college and her family come to stay with us and we celebrated two birthdays — my mom’s birthday and my friend Ellen’s son Tom’s birthday.
We had our annual New Year’s Eve party where lots of dear friends and family gathered to celebrate the beginning of another year. Lots of fun was had by all. I know that we had a good time hosting and enjoyed the time with everyone.
My brother made a couple trays of antipasto for the party. We haven’t had antipasto in the T’s house since my dad passed away. It was “his” thing and well it just didn’t seem right having it without him. After 11 years, I finally have come to terms with that and the “tradition” has returned. Bill put together one very nice looking antipasto — Daddy would have been proud! Here are the shots as it was being created.
Warmest wishes to all for a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year. May you and your families be blessed with good things.
Today is the the day…the big eating day. I am very blessed to share it with my family. I am thankful for:
- a husband who loves me and can always, always make me smile.
- boys who are growing into wonderful young men and who make me very proud.
- our health which no one should take for granted.
- the ability to cook a meal for those who will share it with us today.
- family and friends– both near and far, they are a source of strength, laughs and love.
As you celebrate today, remember to be thankful, not just today but always.
“Thankfulness is the beginning of gratitude. Gratitude is the completion of thankfulness. Thankfulness may consist merely of words. Gratitude is shown in acts.” — Henri Frederic Amiel
So yesterday there was no post because I was very lucky to have lunch with my mom. I don’t get to see her quite often enough, so it was a real treat. Reminded me how much I have to be thankful for, because there are a lot of people that aren’t so lucky.
Continuing on with trying to remember how fortunate we are in this week of turkey craziness……
As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. ~John F. Kennedy
Be nice to someone today.
This has been a couple of crazy weeks. I never imagined that I would spend my birthday looking like I got the crap kicked out of me, but that is what happened. I must say however that if there was any doubt in my mind (which there wasn’t) about how great my family and friends are, this wiped it all away.
Tom took care of me like I was a little china doll. He was my rock and helped to nurse my wounds and me back to some state of health. Over my objections he canceled a business trip to make sure that he was here with me and I must say looking back from the opposite end of that week, that I am very glad that he did. The boys have been extra concerned and anxious to help out however they can and inject some humor into the whole situation. (Really? a hat and glasses? Are you trying to be incognito?)
My family has checked in with me regularly and I love them for their support and concern. I know that if I needed any of the them they would be there, the same with some of my close friends from back home. My friends here have called, stopped by and offered all sorts of help (which thanks to my dear hubby, we really didn’t need) and I know that if I asked, any or all of them, they would also be there.
I have to say that I am one lucky woman. First, to have not killed or maimed myself and second for all the great love and support that I have in my life. As I embark on the last year of this decade, it was celebrated with my men and I around the cutest, tiniest ice cream cake, beautiful flowers and a lovely necklace along with visits and gifts from some of my closest friends here. I do have to say that a couple of the brightest spots in my day were a hand drawn get well card that arrived in the mail from my niece Emily and flowers and another hand drawn card from my fellow birthday girl, little Miss Kate, left on my doorstep — two of the littlest women in my life.
With a heart full of love and gratitude I say thank you, thank you, thank you. You’ve made me feel extra loved.
To the best friend in my whole wide world — thank you for keeping me safe, sane and making me feel beautiful no matter how I looked on the outside — I love you.
We had been away for a couple days visiting colleges. Our oldest, who is 17 is entering senior year and the college application deadlines are looming before us. Decisions will be made in the upcoming months that will have a life changing effect on our family, changing our family forever in a good, but different way.
While we were in Rochester I received word that another part of my extended family was coping with news on the opposite end of that spectrum. They are dealing with an irreparable change to their family. My cousin and his wife lost their 23-year-old son. He was struck by a car and killed walking home, probably after a night out with friends. The breadth of this tragedy I cannot understand. While he lived in Florida and I did not know him well personally, my heart breaks for my cousins and their remaining children. It is the tragedy that no parent wants to face, the death of their child — no matter the age of the child.
It reminds us that life is precious and fragile. It is a gift that we have, for as long as we have it, and in the blink of an eye, it can be taken from us. While we can often be aggravated by our children or annoyed with our spouse — we need to remember that all of that, all of the mundane aspects of our daily existence, pales in comparison. Who wouldn’t trade most anything for another day with a loved one, another chance to argue, to perform the mundane tasks of life together, to sit and enjoy a conversation or a laugh?
Maybe you can say that as a result of this news and this tragedy, I will dote over my own boys just a little more and worry even more than I do — stressing to drive carefully and pay attention — but that is the natural maternal reaction; gather the cubs closer, protect them. Be thankful and feel blessed that you are lucky enough to have those you love around to dote upon and yell at. Multiple times every day, there are parents in this world who have had that taken from them, in the blink of an eye with the last beat of a heart, like my cousins.
My heart breaks for their loss.
Rest in Peace Michael………
Here are some of the pictures from our holiday week here at the T’s house.
We started the week off with a visit from one of my oldest and dearest college friends and her family.
We also celebrated my mom’s birthday one evening when she arrived with my brother and his family
and the next night we celebrated my friend Ellen’s son’s 12th birthday with another cake…..
and on the third night everyone was wondering…..who’s birthday is next? Sadly, we could find no one so we had a night without cake
But the following night, New Year’s Eve, we did have a party!
with awesome decorating by my sister (btw, she’s available to do parties!)
who happens to be kissing a good friend of ours also from college who happened to surprise us with a visit and cleaned my hall lights (but that is another post all together)
and a lot of kids throwing kids into our humungous bean bag in the den (I assure you that no one was injured)
there was even a cotton candy night — that went over big with the little ones who thought the boys’ friend was just AWESOME.
The house was so full all week (for a couple nights we had 18 people sleeping here) and we laughed and we ate and we hung out and we had a great time! It was so nice to see everyone and share some quality time together.
I truly love Christmas. I couldn’t put my finger on exactly why. Maybe it’s because it reminds me of my dad, who absolutely loved Christmas. He was by far the biggest kid in our house come Christmas time. Each year, we can’t celebrate Christmas without thinking about him and remembering how much I miss him.
Maybe it’s because I love the Christmas music and it’s one of my favorite times in church. At the end of tonight’s service, the lights were turned out, the candles lit and everyone sang “Silent Night”.
Maybe it’s just the company of family and friends — and looking back on how lucky I am to be surrounded by such wonderful people and have them a part of my life. We are reminded this time of the year of those people that we might not see often, but remain near and dear to our hearts. We’re reminded of those with whom we’ve shared holiday memories during the years gone by. We’re lucky and blessed to have such wonderful friends and family.
Maybe, it’s the music — traditional Christmas music reminds me of Christmas parties at my grandmother’s house — we kids got to choose the music and play it on her stereo turntable, which was one of those large consoles that was a chunk of furniture in and of itself. While the adults were in the other room talking and laughing, we were playing music, lots of Christmas music.
Maybe it’s because it reminds me of some of the best times I’ve spent with my husband in the years that he was selling Christmas trees including the final weeks leading up to just after Christmas almost 20 years ago, when we got married.
Maybe it is all of those things wrapped into one. Christmas and Christmas Eve were always a chaotic mix of family, friends, presents, food, music and love. I hope that it remains that way for my boys and they can one day look back and remember how special Christmas is.
I hope that it is just as special for you …. Merry Christmas from our family to yours.
I wonder how just how old you have to be to not miss your parents? My dad passed away 10 years ago tomorrow and the last time I spoke to him was on the Father’s Day a few days before. It’s a hard few days, these days, and each year it seems that it will be better, but somehow it makes me just as sad.
I cannot help but wonder how those ten years would have been different if he was still here. I can’t help but wonder what he would think of the young men his grandsons are turning into and how thrilled he would be to know the grandchildren that were born after he passed and who never will have the opportunity to know the man that we called “Daddy”.
I often think about how much my dad would love our house up here in Vermont and what it would be like to have had he and my mom come up here to visit and to spend time.
I can still hear his voice when we spoke that day, Father’s Day. No one since that day has called me “baby” and even if anyone ever did, ever again, it wouldn’t seem right and it wouldn’t be the same. I will always be his baby, his first, no matter how old I get. I also think that I will always miss him and wish that he were still here, a part of my life and my boys’ lives. I hate today and these next few days just because they make me sad and turn me into a crying, sniveling, little girl. We all have things that can reduce us to puddles, and the fact that he left us suddenly and I didn’t get to be there until it was too late, will always be mine.
Nonetheless, it is Father’s Day and I know that I am very lucky to have a wonderful husband. Together we have three handsome, loving and healthy boys on the cusp of adulthood. I know that they would make their grandfather proud if he were still here. I know that my husband is a wonderful father and I am so happy and so lucky and every day so thankful to have him here with me to share this life.
I don’t need to say here what makes him a good father and a great husband, because he knows and I know and the boys know and really that is all that matters. He is a very special part of our lives.
To all the other fathers out there, especially my father-in-law, my brother and my brother-in-law, who help to make our family what it is……….Happy Father’s Day!