I hate hormones. I really do. I totally understand that they are a necessary evil, and I like to think that I have some degree of control over mine (insert snicker here) but every once in the while, out of nowhere some stupid, totally chicky hormonal thought takes over and it is capable of reducing a girl to tears in seconds. Seriously, women out there know what I am writing about, men just cannot understand this, despite the attempts that those who love us make on a regular basis. Unless of course, no one else feels like this and the thin string of sanity that I grasp to for dear life has finally broken and sent me careening into madness. (A distinct possibility those who know me would say). Still, I prefer to think of it as some hormonal upswing or downdraft in my system.
For instance, last night, totally out of the blue I woke from a sound sleep. I had been having some type of dream regarding babies, I honestly cannot the details of the dream, only that waking from it reduced me to tears. Mind you, in my awake and rational mind, babies – making them and raising them – are safely tucked away in the “been there, done that” corner of my mind; I am happily content to be a mother of two teenage and one almost-teenage sons and an aunt to the little ones. Rationally, I know that I am too old to be pregnant, (while physically possible, not medically recommended nor is it emotionally reasonable) – I don’t have the patience or the desire to do go there again. Then, I ask why is it that the irrational, evidently hormonal driven subconscious brain can reduce me to tears out of a sound sleep in the middle of the night, over the thought of not being young enough to become pregnant anymore? Totally irrational and totally Cybil. Gotta love hormones though because for about the next hour or so, I lay there upset over this thought, the same idea that I would not even have a second thought during any other time but for some hormonal overage or underage or something.