I miss my dad….a lot. He passed away unexpectedly on this exact date 7 years ago. It was only a few days after Father’s Day. And I will regret it for the rest of my life. I couldn’t see him, although I did talk to him on the phone. The boys were sick with Fifth’s Disease and the pediatrician suggested that I stay away since both my parents were down with some type of bug and with compromised immune systems and my dad’s other medical issues, it was not worth the chance. To this day, I think that maybe I should have disregarded the doctor’s advice and gone see him, at least just me, for Father’s Day. I didn’t and when I did get to the hospital that morning after my brother called, he had already sunk into unconsciousness, from which he never recovered. He never knew that I was there, I never got to say goodbye and tell him that I loved him one last time and I will regret that for the rest of my life. And every time I think about it, it makes me cry. I guess that you never really miss someone, like a parent or a spouse, someone that you take for granted every day, until they are no longer there. And then all you can think about are the things that you will never be able to hear them say, or do, ever again. For instance, there is no one, absolutely no one who will ever call me his “baby” or “sweetheart”. That was my dad who used those terms with me and only him and I can still hear his voice saying those words during that last conversation I had with him on Father’s Day. It makes me really sad and it took a LONG time before I could even bring myself to go to the cemetery, although I felt really guilty about that too.

I yearn for the opportunity for that “one more day” geez even one more conversation or hug or to let him see my boys and what great kids they are turning out to be and how he would be so proud. We often talk, Tom and I about how much my dad would love our house here in Vermont and how much he would enjoy our neighbors and friends and chatting with all of them. My dad loved to talk and gosh, there are so many great people here that I would just have LOVED him to meet and for them to meet him.

That day, 7 years ago, a part of me died along with him, because I know that I am a different person because of what happened. I cannot change that, but I can make sure that the same mistake does not happen again. Life is fragile and such a gift, our life can turn on its end in seconds and usually when we expect it least. Trust me, I know what I mean. I love you Daddy, and I miss you a lot.