Tomorrow marks the end of a fairly unsatisfying year in my role as president. To mark the occasion, the last official act that I have to attend conflicts with my middle son’s elementary graduation. I have rattled around in my mind, whether I should have declined to attend, but that somehow riddles me with guilt. But I am more riddled with motherly guilt. I hate having to decide and the sad part is the winner of the battle of guilt is not the true winner. I really don’t care much whether or not I attend the function and except for a few friends that I will be glad to see, I could miss the entire night without a second thought and sadly without a second thought from most of those I will see tomorrow. Under other circumstances, the end result would be different. The school changed the night of graduation due to scheduling with snow days and this caused the conflict with this event which was already scheduled and invitations sent and acknowledged.
I am saddened these last few days as to how little regard I hold with this group. They do not realize the magnitude of the sacrifice that I am making to be there tomorrow night, and frankly I am sure as a collective, they wouldn’t care even if they did know. I really don’t know what I was thinking when I signed on for this some 5 years ago. It has given me personal and marital strife and a great deal of agitation overall. Somehow, even last June, I thought I could change the world, or at least our group’s little part of it. How sadly mistaken I have been. You cannot change those that do not want to be changed. Or those that don’t see a need for change. I think I work best changing a person at a time, rather than a group. I wish them the best, but I think we are better off without one another. We see things differently, that group and I. I see the world and the profession of law in a different light than most of them, probably because we are different stages in our lives; lawyer is my job, it is my career choice, it is something I am proud to be, but it does not define who I am.