Life can go out quietly with never a word said or with a bang and lots of noise. Either way it is sad to lose someone. Whether you have known that person forever or hardly at all the loss is still the same and creates a big empty hole in your heart. March 23rd is the day that life left quietly from my world. Not a word was said by the person that left, I never got to look into the person’s eyes or hold their hand or hug them. It is the day that I miscarried my first baby. Just under two months, someone that I never had the pleasure of meeting. It saddens me, every year on this day I cannot help but think about it and wonder what that baby would have been like if it had been born. I feel a sense of loss and a sense of failure. My body was not capable of supporting that life and died as a result. Sad, like a part of me had been ripped away. But with each loss comes life, a cycle that repeats itself infinitum. My middle son’s birthday, he turned 12, was yesterday. My oldest son who I love dearly, would never had been born if I didn’t lose that first baby. My oldest son was conceived months later, when I would have been very pregnant with this first baby. So there is no regret because I have great kids, three boys, who I am confident will grow up to be good men, like their father. But still, I cannot help to think about and mourn that little baby that never was.

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